Tuesday, September 18, 2007

loneliness

now that boo has gone back to school, it has hit me.

i am mindnumbingly, soulstompingly lonely. moving twice in two years, and staying home all week with a baby has finally gotten to me.

i was really looking forward to connecting with some of the parents at boo's new school, and it isn't happening. not only is it not happening, but at a coffee morning last week, i actually felt quite snubbed. i looked around the room and saw that everyone had gotten paired off into conversation, except me. someone had started talking with me, and before i could even respond fully, she gave me the 'uh-huh' nod had turned to someone else. i waited for about 8 minutes, and left without saying anything further. i am now avoiding people in the halls.

i barely see my neighbors, and i'm feeling awkward around a couple of them anyway. next door, we had given them a wedding present that they have yet to verbally acknowledge - which is all i'm looking for, i don't expect a written thanks - and across the street, we made them sorbet out of the cherries they brought over before their month-long trip out of town, so they wouldn't miss their own fruit. i mean, just tell me if you liked it. or return my tupperware. or something.

i'm basically crying a lot, and anything tips me over right now. i hold myself together long enough to get boo into his classroom, and to pick him up and spend the afternoon with him, but that's about it.

3 comments:

Tony said...

Poor sweetie!

It must be hard to move to a new place, even a place as cool as Portland. I admire you for picking up and moving, a lot.

And I know you'll find your people out there, it'll just take time. The problem is, most people suck. Don't let the turkeys get you down.

And by the way, Bea is absolutely beautiful. She looks just like her mom.

Anonymous said...

oh dear oh dear oh dear

I just got over a year long bout of depression, caused by loneliness, boredom, i dunno.

Exercise helps, particularly spontaneous, fun exercise. Can you find a non-pretentious gym that might have babysitting for Bea-age kids?

dewey eyed said...

Not many gyms have childcare here. Even the yoga studios that have mom-and-baby classes. There will be a gym opening around the corner from me in December that plans to have childcare - fingers are crossed. This being Portland, neighborhood residents are ticked because this is a Gold's and therefore a chain gym. They've already had to scale back their size plans once.

I do try to get her out in the jogging stroller for hour-long brisk walks several days a week. When it starts getting rainy again, though, I'll have to figure out something else.