someone come to my house

and show me how to use Garage Band.

The Apple shops all offer the GB classes from 3-4 PM, which doesn't work when one has a kid to pick up from school.

I have been messing around with my sarangi and a Buddha Machine, and wrote a little melody to play over one of the loops. I'd like to develop it further, but I realize what my problem is:

The hours of 10 pm - 12 am are about the only reliable time I have with my hands free. In this time, I am trying to: knit a sweater, make jewelry, read, play music, and actually talk to my husband. Unfortunately, I while away a chunk of this in front of this very computer screen, too.

Someone come to my house, and sew me on some extra arms.

there are toast marks on my back

i was grilled for over an hour by a scientologist at the reference desk today.

a lot of the answers had to do with explain what our policies were regarding collections, cooperative borrowing, donations, and various fine points about the catalog and how it organizes results. and then, after literally AN HOUR of this, he wants to know how the dewey decimal system is broken down.

"you don't have a handout you can just give me?"
"nope."
"they don't teach dewey in schools anymore. they just teach politics."
(not rising to the bait on that one.)
"why don't you have a handout?"
"because most patrons come to this desk looking for a particular author, or title, or subject. and i help them get it."
"what if they want to browse?"
"usually they still want a subject area to browse in."
"so i'm a freak of nature?"
"you're one of the more curious patrons we've had in."

other parts of the exchange included explaining that we don't take donations if the donor specifies the book has to become part of the collection, and that just because our branch is big, we may not have all the material on scientology he thinks we should have, but we will get it from other branches. why don't we have it? because there are six other copies of this book in county, and none of them are checked out, and we don't get many requests for it at our branch. therefore, there is an adequate supply.

i kept my cool, but i'm totally drained. i hope to g-d he doesn't come back in tomorrow.

i know that i should not have spent that much time on one patron. i did interrupt him when other patrons came to the desk and i told him i would do so. i do have a fear that patrons with agendas like that are looking for an opportunity to have a problem with how they are treated and to scream discrimination.

loneliness

now that boo has gone back to school, it has hit me.

i am mindnumbingly, soulstompingly lonely. moving twice in two years, and staying home all week with a baby has finally gotten to me.

i was really looking forward to connecting with some of the parents at boo's new school, and it isn't happening. not only is it not happening, but at a coffee morning last week, i actually felt quite snubbed. i looked around the room and saw that everyone had gotten paired off into conversation, except me. someone had started talking with me, and before i could even respond fully, she gave me the 'uh-huh' nod had turned to someone else. i waited for about 8 minutes, and left without saying anything further. i am now avoiding people in the halls.

i barely see my neighbors, and i'm feeling awkward around a couple of them anyway. next door, we had given them a wedding present that they have yet to verbally acknowledge - which is all i'm looking for, i don't expect a written thanks - and across the street, we made them sorbet out of the cherries they brought over before their month-long trip out of town, so they wouldn't miss their own fruit. i mean, just tell me if you liked it. or return my tupperware. or something.

i'm basically crying a lot, and anything tips me over right now. i hold myself together long enough to get boo into his classroom, and to pick him up and spend the afternoon with him, but that's about it.

Beach day!

This was the Sunday before school started. We just took it as a day trip. Cannon Beach's hotels were entirely full, so it was just as well.

Bea got a chance to put her toes in the sand, and I held her above the water (too cold for baby toes). Boo flew a kite and felt quite masterful by the end of the day.

deeeep breath

boo's first day in his new school went fine. for some reason, the school system tried to knock him out of his class, but his teacher was prepared for him to show up. or, semi-prepared: his desk was waiting in the hallway. he doesn't seem too put out by being in a roomful of kids who mostly know each other already.

the small amount of people-watching i did during pickup and dropoff was fun. it was like being in a hallway of my clones. i feel a tad bit pigeonholed.

dad's surgery was delayed by an urgent case that his surgeon worked on this morning. this made me fret for a bit until i got more news - one prefers a fresh, non-tired doc working on your folks. however, by 9 pm EST, surgery was done, and all went well. it took longer than expected, but went well.

boo also did well at his tabla lesson today. he was really dreadful during some of the summer sessions - he did not like having to wait for my sarangi lesson. when we drove to his teacher's, he had fallen asleep in the car. this is usually a sign that i'm in for a lot of protests and tears. there was a bit, but i simply told him we were there for his lesson and he was to do it. i stayed in the other room (he acts up a bit if i'm watching) and it sounded like one of his better sessions.

i took a long walk with bea in her jogging stroller this afternoon. i was surprised at how out-of-shape i had become. i tried on jeans last night and felt awful about finding myself a size 14. there are boxes and boxes of size 8s and 10s in our garage and closets, and i want to be in those clothes again.

favorite thing

Bea loves thumbpiano!

bullet points (non-violent version)

- Boo has another wiggly tooth. He's also willingly gone to the dentist to have a couple of front teeth repaired. When he was little, he refused to go to sleep without a bottle. This left him with cavities. I knew they needed repairing but was scared of the process - the dentist we went to in Manassas wanted him to go to a specialist, and I had a grave fear of having him go through a major procedure and anesthesia. We have a dentist on our block here, so we went in for a cleaning. They told us that the affected teeth will likely fall out in the next year, and that the roots had formed a hard protective layer around themselves. Fixing them was mostly cosmetic, and I let Boo make the decision to have it done. His smile looks a lot better. I'm happy for him, it will be nice to start school at yet another new place with a better smile.

Sub-points: Yes, the bottle was a major argument between Boodad and me at the time. I pointed out that giving him milk after he brushed his teeth negated the benefits of brushing. I am shaking my head about this now - why didn't I just take over bedtime? Even if it was the only time Boo really got with his dad. Thankfully, these haven't been issues with Bea - neither the bottle, or the lack of dad-time.

- While Boo is losing teeth, Bea is gaining! Two little stubs on the bottom. She doesn't seem bothered by them, but I do get the occasional wicked chomp.

- I am not a good ukulele player. Not even passable. Boggles me that I can play sarangi, but not this.

- I think I've gotten my perfume ya-yas out for a while. It can become a ridiculously expensive quest, and I find it puts me very much into immediate gratification mode. This compounds the expense, as I have samples on order but still go out to sniff things in stores because I really want to smell something new, now. I like having a wardrobe of scents to chose from as part of getting dressed. But I don't want to end up on a never-ending ultimate scent quest.

- I do like perfume because perfume doesn't care if I can't lose the babyweight. And it is more pleasant to smell like Eau d'Whatever than Whiff o'Babypuke.

- Yes, we're looking forward to school starting. But I'm feeling a little guilty about this. Did we have enough fun this summer? Did I take Boo on enough adventures? It has been difficult to feel like I've been fully engaged for Boo while also taking care of Bea. I was looking forward to Boo taking the bus to school, but Boodad reminded me that taking him to and from school was helpful for meeting other parents and being able to interface with his teacher last year. Maybe he'll take the bus there, but I will pick him up.

- Once school starts, I can get Bea in the jogging stroller and move more. Yea! I had been trying to do this in the evenings, but it started getting impossible. Somehow our dinner-to-evening activities got later and later, and I couldn't get the time to myself. Boo would throw a fit about not going with me, and that meant I couldn't move with much speed.

- Later this month, I will be taking a three-evening raga class with Terry Riley. I'm very, very excited. I'm also at a point with the sarangi that I want to do more with it - playing with someone, or learning how to record myself and process it on the computer.

- I have been trying to be involved with the Portland chapter of the Network of Spiritual Progressives, but I have some reservations and obstacles. One is, I can't see what they're doing that is different than other groups. The goals of the national movement are kind of amorphous to me, and there is not much online presence from other chapters to make idea-sharing easy. Another obstacle is a guy in the group who gives me incredibly bad vibes. Exactly the same vibes from a damaging exboyfriend. I don't like being in the room with him. I ran into him at the grocery store, and he didn't acknowledge me but I still got bad vibes. Eugh. And perhaps the biggest obstacle is a heap of passive aggression from Boodad, who will inevitably be late home if I have a meeting.

- Just realized this morning that the High Holy Days are right around the corner. Still haven't templeshopped yet, and I don't like doing it right before the holidays. I also don't feel a huge compulsion this year, which is very unusual for me.

Uke!

I gots myself a beautiful bright blue ukulele today. And a book of mildly cheesy classic songs. I'm plinking my way through 'Daydream Believer' right now.

Wheeee! Boo is more than a tad jealous, even though he got a new guitar today too.

btw, boing boing

dear boing boing,

please start tagging your posts. it drives me bonkers when i remember reading about an interesting book on your site, and can't remember any identifying information about it. readers have to scroll back through to whatever day it was posted on - and sometimes i don't remember exactly what day that was. having tags like 'book' 'science fiction' would be helpful.

yeah, i could set up a del.icio.us account just to do this, but for pete's sake. the place that pimped 'everything is miscellaneous' should be into doing some tagging, right?

full, full day

i worked a bit today, but not at my regular reference duties. i got to help with a program featuring a local author and Holocaust survivor. i've been used to seeing fairly low turnout at adult library programs, but this one was amazing. we had over 100 people, who stayed in rapt attention, despite the building's failed air conditioning.

i have heard Holocaust survivors speak before, and it always humbles me when i meet one by chance. i don't want to think i'm immune to hearing about the horrors. but i stood toward the back of the room, wondering if there was a portion of the crowd there for the 'horror porn' part of it. much in the way there are always readers for those 'a boy called it' books. this speaker had much to say about how the smallest shred of compassion could yield yards of hope. i am hoping that listeners took home that message.

right after i got home, we bundled out and headed to the india festival in the center of the city. lots of food, music, dancing. i think earlier in the day they may have had some events that boo would have been able to participate in, but i think he had fun. i surprised a couple of people with my mad hindi-speakin' skillz. (har.) however, did not locate somewhere to obtain mad malayalam-speakin' skillz. oh well. did obtain a sari, salwar kameez and bangles - and got bea some baby bangles - because sometimes i have to go to indian music events.

while watching boo stride about, i wondered at what point i could even begin to explain the Holocaust to him. the idea of him knowing that humans could be so horrible disturbs me. he's too young. and once he knows this, he can't be so young anymore.

Mind the gap

Boo has lost his first tooth!

blipvert!

Boing Boing has a post featuring two iconoclasts shillin' for da man. But yippedy skippedy, BB'er David Pescovitz terms the Burroughs spot a "blipvert!" Ah, I can almost smell the ZikZak.

Staring contest

Whose eyes are bigger?

My perfume history

This is in response to the question, "Do you believe in a 'holy grail' fragrance?". Yes, I've gotten obsessed with this to the point that I've joined two perfume-specific webboards.

My take on this is kind of backwards, I guess:

I was introduced to 'real' scents sometime in high school, when I was given a couple of minis of Paloma Picasso. Kind of ridiculously strong for a 15-yr-old even in the 80s, but it's always been the scent I compare everything else to - even if I'm looking for something quite the opposite in character.

I've had several scents that lasted for long periods of my life: Feminite de Bois when I was a few years older, Red Door in college (until a housemate made it her signature too), I can't remember what I wore in grad school but probably couldn't afford much. I somehow found a spray bottle of Joy in Marshall's just before I got married, and after we moved to a metropolitan area, I wore Robert Isabell's Calla and By by D&G. I collected oodles of things from Duty Free shops (Diorever, Salvatore Ferragamo, Ultraviolet, Patou For Ever) on a couple of visits to family in England, and would buy something from time to time (Casmir, Amor Amor) but didn't feel settled with one particular scent.

The area that we lived in had pretty bad air quality, and my sinuses suffered. I would have to go for long stretches wearing nothing. I also worked in an environment where scent was not tolerated.

I eventually wound up having a septoplasty to relieve my poor old sinuses, and my sense of smell vanished for about a month. It was really unnerving, how many pleasures this took away - food in particular. Once it came back, I looked for something gentle to wear every day, and chose Clarins' Par Amour Toujours.

But now, we have moved, I've had a second baby, and my 30s are waning. PAT feels too young to me, and I went back to 'something like Paloma Picasso, but not so strong' for my new scent. I'm very happy and will likely wear Premier Figuire Extreme most days (good grief, I will be known here as "that PFE girl" if I mention it again!), but there's just too much out there to say that's the only one for me. And there will always be a rounded bottle with a black sillouette on my dresser!

My busy, busy nose

So.... got some samples from online retailer luckyscent.

The first shipment of the samples got lost in the mail (I suspect there is a very nicely scented postal worker somewhere in Portland!), and the company graciously resent. In the meanwhile, I visited the Perfume House, which was an amazing experience in itself. I sampled and sniffed away and walked out as the delighted new wearer of L'Artisan's Premier Figuire Extreme. I have never, never spent so much on a bottle. I had fallen for it before I found out the price.

The samples that arrived afterwards seem disappointing in comparison - which I'm happy about, since I've made my major perfume purchase and don't want to find something else right away.

First up: Pilar and Lucy's Tiptoeing through the Chambers of the Moon. This line gives cute names to everything. And, of course, most of the notes are "secret", but supposedly include amber and tuberose. Well, let me divulge the "secret." THIS SMELLS LIKE A BIG O' BOTTLE OF VANILLA, with nothing else.

I do not enjoy feeling like a walking cupcake. I scrubbed it off my wrists.

Second: Maitre Perfumeur et Gantier - Or des Indes. I think I was interested in this because I was also interested in Patou's new scent, Sira des Indes - unfortunately, too sweet on me. This isn't sweet, and does indeed bring back memories of the air in India. Liked it for the top and middle. The endnote, however, smelled like flat patchouli on me.

I have a few more samples to go through, but they'll have to wait for another day. I went back to putting on some Figuire. It's got a nice top of fresh fig, with spiciness underneath. It has enough to it to become a dear, personal signature scent.

I'm new to writing about perfume. I hope to make this an occasional topic - although I wonder if my nose can detect enough complexity to put into words.

Parents just left today

I kinda held my breath until I heard from them upon their arrival in Providence.

My dad has some nasty recurring vascular clots in his leg, and he almost had to have surgery on them while here. In a way, I wish he did, because he wasn't able to enjoy as much of this visit and it seemed that the medical treatment he got here (went into the emergency dept of local hospital when the warning signs suddenly popped up again) seemed more indepth than he was getting at home. He wanted to see his surgeon at home, however, and the home doc concurred that if he took it easy, he could wait til then. He sees his doc tomorrow, and will probably be immediately routed for another surgery. His fourth.

I am more than suspecting that he may decide this is his last plane trip. I'm glad it didn't happen while he was in Navajo territory.

After we brought my folks to the airport this morning, we hung out with a friend whose son plays good-n-loud with Boo. Good to see my friend (we had fun collaborating on a piece of jewelry together!), and also good for both Boo and I to not sit at a now-much-emptier home.

gonna have to watch out for this one

my parents are visiting, which has given me less time to post.

yesterday, i took mom and bea out for some girly fun at a local boutique. boo was quite relieved to stay at home with pa. unfortunately, the owner's little dog barked and scared bea, so it took some time to calm her down again.

after shopping, we went to a bubble tea place to cool off. there, bea decided to flirt with the guy at the next table. he had a bar piercing in the middle of his eyebrow, facial hair, and oodles of tattoos. bea was trying her darndest, but he wasn't interested.

she eventually decided she was more interested in trying to grab my honeydew milk tea. and she got some smiles out of other patrons.

one step forward, skip a step back....

why do all CFL lightbulbs come in plastic packaging? they really aren't any more fragile than traditional lightbulbs, which come in recyclable cardboard. it seems like some kind of silly tradeoff - get the eco-responsible bulbs, leave a heap o' plastic on the planet. manufacturers, change this!

mashup time!

"Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. "

here's where the story ends...

hee hee hee hee. (thanks, dorota!)