patron a: i must have books by (duder) t. (duder). he's a genius. he's an economist, and i hear him on the radio, and he's the only one telling the truth.
me: ma'am, we have books by several duder duders, but none that look like the right person. let me do some more searching.
patron a: i tell you, if the politicians actually paid attention to him, this country would finally be running the right way.
me: ma'am, could it be (duder) _e_ (duder)? he's a professor in the economics department of (blank) university?
patron a: that's him! you mean you don't have his books? it's criminal that you don't have his books.
me: well, his list of publications shows that he last published a book in 1999, and his books are published by small presses and are more likely to be purchased by academic libraries. i can look at multnomah county library's catalog and see if they own any of his works; as a resident of this county you are also eligible for one of their library cards. we don't exchange books with them, but <
patron a: (in disgust) oh no, i won't step foot in that city.
me: your other option is interlibrary loan (followed by explanation of how ILL works). so, you'd like "big huge libertarian book of why governments shouldn't provide any services", correct?
patron a leaves, somehow escaping without becoming engulfed in flames of irony.
patron b: can you help me get online? i need to look something up on the internet.
me: sure, i can get you started. do you have a library card?
patron b: yes.
i get him logged in. the screen shows the internet use policy.
me: this is the internet use policy, it basically states that you can use the computers for one hour per day, the printing will cost ten cents a page, and that there's no online gameplaying or naughty stuff.
patron b: really? you have a policy on that?
patron b: because i always vote against the library levy, because in the news they show people getting playboy on the library computers.
me: perhaps you might want to actually check out what goes on in the library before the next levy comes up, sir.
seriously, i just wonder how these patrons couldn't see the glaring disconnects between what they were purporting to be true, and the fact that they were using a service that they supposedly disagree with on principal.