i'm very lucky to live in a place that offers BPL - broadband over powerline. it works through a contractor with the utility service, and the modem can be connected to any electric plug in the house. it's a little slower than cable internet, but it is considerably cheaper. and, considering our cable internet has been out for 3 days and comcast has had two appointments missed - and then claims that i cancelled - well, my decision's been made for me, hasn't it?
we would try dsl, but thanks to the neighborhood-beautification idea of submerged phone lines, the phone service seems to go through an outage once or twice a year. i can handle no phone, but not no phone and no internet.
oh, and in other telecommunications news, i am lusting over the nokia 8801 which will have an expensive debut this fall. because of the camera? eh. bluetooth? whoopee. mp3 player? yadda yadda. ryuichi sakamoto ringtones? hell yes, sign me up. click for the video.
"what happened to, 'i'm fine with a cell phone that takes calls, voicemail, and sms?'?" - dad
"but da-a-ad...." - my inner 15-yr-old
Friday, May 06, 2005
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
value
i just realized that in the last post and the previous one, i've mentioned problems with people not paying me.
money makes me feel petty. more specifically, having to ask for what i'm owed makes me feel petty. i know it's stupid, especially since i'm not asking for anything that isn't actually owed. i hate being in the position of having to ask the other party - repeatedly, even - to fulfill their side of an agreement. i don't understand how the other person remains comfortable while they know they haven't done the right thing. is the balance in your bank account more important than the balance in your life? why choose to run at a continual integrity deficit? (wow, congrats to me, i have written the whiniest emo-economics statement in blogland.)
also: a pet peeve. the spacebag commercial. this is the product with which you put in a bed comforter, attach your vaccuum cleaner, and compress the comforter until it looks like a tortilla. "the perfect solution for overstuffed closets," claims the ad. um, what about just getting rid of your crap?
says the woman with too many shoes and counting, and a pile of clothes to go to the thrift that i just never get out the door.
money makes me feel petty. more specifically, having to ask for what i'm owed makes me feel petty. i know it's stupid, especially since i'm not asking for anything that isn't actually owed. i hate being in the position of having to ask the other party - repeatedly, even - to fulfill their side of an agreement. i don't understand how the other person remains comfortable while they know they haven't done the right thing. is the balance in your bank account more important than the balance in your life? why choose to run at a continual integrity deficit? (wow, congrats to me, i have written the whiniest emo-economics statement in blogland.)
also: a pet peeve. the spacebag commercial. this is the product with which you put in a bed comforter, attach your vaccuum cleaner, and compress the comforter until it looks like a tortilla. "the perfect solution for overstuffed closets," claims the ad. um, what about just getting rid of your crap?
says the woman with too many shoes and counting, and a pile of clothes to go to the thrift that i just never get out the door.
where's my cape?
i'm in a remarkably good mood today, especially considering that the erasure concert i was supposed to be at last night has been postponed until june. might have been due to wearing a very, very orange linen dress today. i'm a rajneeshi fashionista!
after some reflection i realized that what i'm missing from ner shalom is the social justice work i was able to do. but, i'm still on the board of equality prince william, there will be plenty of work to be done there. virginia legislators seem bent on turning this state into a backwater bible camp. had a great email exchange with one of the other board members - we're still in the structuring process, and i had some questions about the directions we're taking, and frankly, some questions about the appropriateness of me remaining on the board as sole straightie. somehow the term "epw superjew" was used. i want a cape, dammit.
there is a higher position (L3, right now i'm a part-time L2) opening up in one of the other library branches. i don't want it, yet, but i have decided to interview for it just to get the interview experience. besides, i kinda expect my officemate to get it, and if she does, i would be interested in that. discussed all this with my boss, and she's more than supportive but thinks i would have a hard time saying no if i was offered the L3 job. i really don't feel ready for it yet. maybe my officemate's job, which is essentially head of info staff at our branch, and that's mostly because i'm comfortable at my branch. there's a corner of me that wonders if i'll ever feel ready.
i bailed out of the gallery i had my jewelry in. owner decided to monkey with payments. this was far from becoming a profitable venture for me, but i was willing to give it a little more time until this "oh i don't have your address.... oh but i mailed it early last week.... oh i'll have to do a stop payment and issue another check" rubbish began. brenda, darling, are you aware that artists talk to each other, and we know you've pulled this on a few of us now?
from a conversation with another artist about brenda: "her email address mentions zen gardens, and her cellphone ringtone is chirping birds. you know from that alone that the woman needs to calm the fuck down but has no idea how to do it."
so i have my jewelry back, which means i don't have to panic about upcoming shows. between this and having the temple off my back, i'm starting to feel a little freer.
after some reflection i realized that what i'm missing from ner shalom is the social justice work i was able to do. but, i'm still on the board of equality prince william, there will be plenty of work to be done there. virginia legislators seem bent on turning this state into a backwater bible camp. had a great email exchange with one of the other board members - we're still in the structuring process, and i had some questions about the directions we're taking, and frankly, some questions about the appropriateness of me remaining on the board as sole straightie. somehow the term "epw superjew" was used. i want a cape, dammit.
there is a higher position (L3, right now i'm a part-time L2) opening up in one of the other library branches. i don't want it, yet, but i have decided to interview for it just to get the interview experience. besides, i kinda expect my officemate to get it, and if she does, i would be interested in that. discussed all this with my boss, and she's more than supportive but thinks i would have a hard time saying no if i was offered the L3 job. i really don't feel ready for it yet. maybe my officemate's job, which is essentially head of info staff at our branch, and that's mostly because i'm comfortable at my branch. there's a corner of me that wonders if i'll ever feel ready.
i bailed out of the gallery i had my jewelry in. owner decided to monkey with payments. this was far from becoming a profitable venture for me, but i was willing to give it a little more time until this "oh i don't have your address.... oh but i mailed it early last week.... oh i'll have to do a stop payment and issue another check" rubbish began. brenda, darling, are you aware that artists talk to each other, and we know you've pulled this on a few of us now?
from a conversation with another artist about brenda: "her email address mentions zen gardens, and her cellphone ringtone is chirping birds. you know from that alone that the woman needs to calm the fuck down but has no idea how to do it."
so i have my jewelry back, which means i don't have to panic about upcoming shows. between this and having the temple off my back, i'm starting to feel a little freer.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
in with the old
np: howard jones, like to get to know you well.
had a big urge to hear howard jones today. needed something positive after feeling sick, and just feeling... cast out? dislocated? after deciding to quit my congregation. howard's still at it, and a new album is supposed to be out this year according to his website. he has a blog on it, in which he writes about performances and recording. i wish he'd write about his inner life a little. one thing i appreciated about howard when i was growing up is that his music never got into to morbidness-for-morbidness's sake that several of his peers wallowed in. (not that i didn't wallow myself, my high school-era walls were covered in morrissey.)
tonight is the first night of passover. i'm gonna eat a bigass bowl of pasta when i'm off. most years i've struggled through the whole eight days on matzah matzah potato matzah, and this year, besides still being sick, i feel so hollow. the final straw on my congregation was two shabbats ago, when i brought a blind woman and her guide dog to services, and my 4-yr-old son. we sat in the back, the dog was perfect, my kid sat next to me or on my lap. he talked, but quietly, and was reasonably behaved for a 4-yr-old who knows there's a table full of cookies in the next room for after the service. certainly, i've seen other kids wandering around the temple during services. normally, if i have my kid with me, i take him to the kids' room - which is pointless, because then i can look through a window at the service but that's it. so i typically stay home unless my hubster can get home in time for me to go solo - rare rare rare. but, with a blind person new to the building and potentially needing my help, i stayed with her and therefore my kid stayed with me.
somebody decided to complain to the temple president about my kid. he tells me this, without saying who (and i truly don't want to know), during the oneg after service. it doesn't hit me until i try to sleep that night.
i have asked, for 2 years, for a babysitting schedule with parents of youngsters rotating duty. or the youth groups sitting. have been told, for 2 years, that it won't work. meanwhile, tot shabbats are not designed for tots, they're designed for kids already in temple school. i take on this role and that role, hoping that by contributing there will be some spirit of cooperation. (this list includes: providing and serving meals at shelters, serving on rabbinic search committee despite feeling that the board had screwed the previous rabbi and getting no accounting for their action, getting involved with a social justice cause that the new rabbi was too chicken to associate her name with, preparing a member's corpse for funeral, trying to start a reader's group - in vain, editing the newsletter, organizing blood drives - in vain, tutoring kids for bar/bat mitzvah and then having the family turn around and screw me out of payment.) but no, last straw was whoever this member was complaining and the president not responding with, "her kid wasn't disruptive, there's nothing to be concerned about" or even "we tolerate children in this temple."
so i told the pres to find a new editor, i'm done. he kicked himself, verbally, and the rabbi wants to talk it over with me. but i truly feel that if i stay, i will be walked on again. i need to go.
woah woah woah, woah woah woah woah woah. things can only get better.
had a big urge to hear howard jones today. needed something positive after feeling sick, and just feeling... cast out? dislocated? after deciding to quit my congregation. howard's still at it, and a new album is supposed to be out this year according to his website. he has a blog on it, in which he writes about performances and recording. i wish he'd write about his inner life a little. one thing i appreciated about howard when i was growing up is that his music never got into to morbidness-for-morbidness's sake that several of his peers wallowed in. (not that i didn't wallow myself, my high school-era walls were covered in morrissey.)
tonight is the first night of passover. i'm gonna eat a bigass bowl of pasta when i'm off. most years i've struggled through the whole eight days on matzah matzah potato matzah, and this year, besides still being sick, i feel so hollow. the final straw on my congregation was two shabbats ago, when i brought a blind woman and her guide dog to services, and my 4-yr-old son. we sat in the back, the dog was perfect, my kid sat next to me or on my lap. he talked, but quietly, and was reasonably behaved for a 4-yr-old who knows there's a table full of cookies in the next room for after the service. certainly, i've seen other kids wandering around the temple during services. normally, if i have my kid with me, i take him to the kids' room - which is pointless, because then i can look through a window at the service but that's it. so i typically stay home unless my hubster can get home in time for me to go solo - rare rare rare. but, with a blind person new to the building and potentially needing my help, i stayed with her and therefore my kid stayed with me.
somebody decided to complain to the temple president about my kid. he tells me this, without saying who (and i truly don't want to know), during the oneg after service. it doesn't hit me until i try to sleep that night.
i have asked, for 2 years, for a babysitting schedule with parents of youngsters rotating duty. or the youth groups sitting. have been told, for 2 years, that it won't work. meanwhile, tot shabbats are not designed for tots, they're designed for kids already in temple school. i take on this role and that role, hoping that by contributing there will be some spirit of cooperation. (this list includes: providing and serving meals at shelters, serving on rabbinic search committee despite feeling that the board had screwed the previous rabbi and getting no accounting for their action, getting involved with a social justice cause that the new rabbi was too chicken to associate her name with, preparing a member's corpse for funeral, trying to start a reader's group - in vain, editing the newsletter, organizing blood drives - in vain, tutoring kids for bar/bat mitzvah and then having the family turn around and screw me out of payment.) but no, last straw was whoever this member was complaining and the president not responding with, "her kid wasn't disruptive, there's nothing to be concerned about" or even "we tolerate children in this temple."
so i told the pres to find a new editor, i'm done. he kicked himself, verbally, and the rabbi wants to talk it over with me. but i truly feel that if i stay, i will be walked on again. i need to go.
woah woah woah, woah woah woah woah woah. things can only get better.
sniffle
oy vey, i start again.
i'm ten days into a sinus infection that is just starting to feel like it's loosening its grip. it's acting differently than my usual annual sinus infection, so it kinda caught me by surprise. i thought i just had a cold until i realized i just wasn't shaking it.
if you found this, you're either lucky or know me. (oscar wilde-ism screams to be in there: if you know me, of course, you're lucky anyway.) i've done blogs before, one that i shared with some other library staff that just didn't work out, and one i just ignored to death on msn. i participate in a couple of boards and sometimes i just want somewhere else to post. things i don't want scrutinized by the boards, things i want some reflection time on but don't want to converse about. that kind of thing. brain sniffles.
i'm ten days into a sinus infection that is just starting to feel like it's loosening its grip. it's acting differently than my usual annual sinus infection, so it kinda caught me by surprise. i thought i just had a cold until i realized i just wasn't shaking it.
if you found this, you're either lucky or know me. (oscar wilde-ism screams to be in there: if you know me, of course, you're lucky anyway.) i've done blogs before, one that i shared with some other library staff that just didn't work out, and one i just ignored to death on msn. i participate in a couple of boards and sometimes i just want somewhere else to post. things i don't want scrutinized by the boards, things i want some reflection time on but don't want to converse about. that kind of thing. brain sniffles.
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