comcast telemarketer: good morning, can i speak with s... je-ze-sondon?
me: that's me.
comcast telemarketer: sorry about your last name.
i should have said: fuck you, i love my last name.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Friday, March 10, 2006
because 15 years is not too late to write a song parody
Army with multivolume
Dewey drop a load on 'em
OED how can I explain it
I'll take you page by page on it
To have y'all jumpin' shall we be checkin' it
O is for Oxford E is for English that people speakin'
The last D...well...that's the info that they're seeking
It's sorta like a Cheney mixed with a 'shunary
Got those lost words like yellow verbal canaries
You get words on occasion stuck in the coal mine
Your brain needs words so I gotta ease your mind
Bust it
You ever had a word and it's got you puzzlin'
You worried that you don't use the right pronuciation
You toss and turn thinkin' about the original derivation
You think your cousin's way of using it is deviation
Then you call up and it's the reference desk you gotta speak with
It's the library, D to the E to the W to the E to the Y
You don't need some Random House (Boy, that book is wack un-fly)
It's OED, hang with librarians is how you get it
There's no room for thesaurus or some cheap abridged shit
How many of you out there know just what I'm gettin' at
Who thinks it's frustrating to look up info and just get jack
Well if you do, OED is what you're looking for
A full page of tiny type to get your eyeballs sore
Chorus:
You down with OED (Yeah you know me) 3X
Who's down with OED (Every last homie)
You down with OED (Yeah you know me) 3X
Who's down with OED (All the homies)
Dewey drop a load on 'em
OED how can I explain it
I'll take you page by page on it
To have y'all jumpin' shall we be checkin' it
O is for Oxford E is for English that people speakin'
The last D...well...that's the info that they're seeking
It's sorta like a Cheney mixed with a 'shunary
Got those lost words like yellow verbal canaries
You get words on occasion stuck in the coal mine
Your brain needs words so I gotta ease your mind
Bust it
You ever had a word and it's got you puzzlin'
You worried that you don't use the right pronuciation
You toss and turn thinkin' about the original derivation
You think your cousin's way of using it is deviation
Then you call up and it's the reference desk you gotta speak with
It's the library, D to the E to the W to the E to the Y
You don't need some Random House (Boy, that book is wack un-fly)
It's OED, hang with librarians is how you get it
There's no room for thesaurus or some cheap abridged shit
How many of you out there know just what I'm gettin' at
Who thinks it's frustrating to look up info and just get jack
Well if you do, OED is what you're looking for
A full page of tiny type to get your eyeballs sore
Chorus:
You down with OED (Yeah you know me) 3X
Who's down with OED (Every last homie)
You down with OED (Yeah you know me) 3X
Who's down with OED (All the homies)
Thursday, March 09, 2006
anagram subway maps - spam ways granma bun?
yet another post about these today on boingboing.
okay, i get it - it's a sense of playfulness with something that is in the public domain and is a part of daily life. but i'd assume that in most cities, the locals have nicknames for various stops, and that different groups of people within the same city will have different nicknames for stops.
but over and over again, using the same anagram method? no. not a reflection of local culture. it's an imposition, in some ways, of one person's (or group's) way of playing with something and trying to make it *the* way to play.
transit systems getting pissed and asking the maps to be taken off websites? dumb.
anagram map makers getting pissed about transit systems asking the maps to be taken off websites? also dumb.
okay, i get it - it's a sense of playfulness with something that is in the public domain and is a part of daily life. but i'd assume that in most cities, the locals have nicknames for various stops, and that different groups of people within the same city will have different nicknames for stops.
but over and over again, using the same anagram method? no. not a reflection of local culture. it's an imposition, in some ways, of one person's (or group's) way of playing with something and trying to make it *the* way to play.
transit systems getting pissed and asking the maps to be taken off websites? dumb.
anagram map makers getting pissed about transit systems asking the maps to be taken off websites? also dumb.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
When the EPW listserv gets loquacious....
RICHMOND, VA
Virginia State Delegate Introduces Language Bill H.B.973
State Delegate Robert G. Marshall (R, District 13 ) introduced the No Fussy And Gratuitously Savvy Or Hubristically Adroit Gibberish Speech Bill, H.B. 973, to a stunned General Assembly in a late meeting this afternoon. "There are elements of our society who wish to use, shall we say, fancy words to get their point across. And we know where that leads to - the demoralization of our youth," explained the Delegate. Marshall contended that his bill, quickly dubbed NO FAGS OR HAGS, is designed to promote clear communication and not to target any particular segment of the population. It is not believed that the bill will pass.
Virginia State Delegate Introduces Language Bill H.B.973
State Delegate Robert G. Marshall (R, District 13 ) introduced the No Fussy And Gratuitously Savvy Or Hubristically Adroit Gibberish Speech Bill, H.B. 973, to a stunned General Assembly in a late meeting this afternoon. "There are elements of our society who wish to use, shall we say, fancy words to get their point across. And we know where that leads to - the demoralization of our youth," explained the Delegate. Marshall contended that his bill, quickly dubbed NO FAGS OR HAGS, is designed to promote clear communication and not to target any particular segment of the population. It is not believed that the bill will pass.
Monday, March 06, 2006
iGuilt
i finally have an iPod. a 4g nano, in fact.
i'm sitting here in my office, far away from the reference desk, and i'm feeling guilty about using it, because i'm listening to music instead of literary podcasts. i tried briefly, but can't concentrate on bob abernathy while doing work.
a list of some podcasts i subscribe to:
dailysonic - home of 'fuck you, robot'
cory doctorow - stories and copyfighting
yogamazing - 20 minute video yoga sessions
audio dharma - talks from Insight Meditation Society
zencast - more Buddhist talks
43 folders - lifehacking!
npr's all songs considered
NOW (PBS)
religion and ethics newsweekly (PBS)
saint kermit - green politics from BAWstin, sports included
nextbook - jewish literature and suprising culture
i'm sitting here in my office, far away from the reference desk, and i'm feeling guilty about using it, because i'm listening to music instead of literary podcasts. i tried briefly, but can't concentrate on bob abernathy while doing work.
a list of some podcasts i subscribe to:
dailysonic - home of 'fuck you, robot'
cory doctorow - stories and copyfighting
yogamazing - 20 minute video yoga sessions
audio dharma - talks from Insight Meditation Society
zencast - more Buddhist talks
43 folders - lifehacking!
npr's all songs considered
NOW (PBS)
religion and ethics newsweekly (PBS)
saint kermit - green politics from BAWstin, sports included
nextbook - jewish literature and suprising culture
Saturday, March 04, 2006
down as fuck
yep.
i'm leaving a job that i love, and can't even catch the interviewer's eye at the next place i'm moving to.
seem to be awfully crap at maintaining friendships, or (more critically) discerning what a real one is.
have far too much to do to my house.
other stuff i don't want to mention online.
i'm going to blame this on paint fumes and just shuffle along for now.
i'm leaving a job that i love, and can't even catch the interviewer's eye at the next place i'm moving to.
seem to be awfully crap at maintaining friendships, or (more critically) discerning what a real one is.
have far too much to do to my house.
other stuff i don't want to mention online.
i'm going to blame this on paint fumes and just shuffle along for now.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
googling oneself
so i googled myself, just to see what's floating out there about me.
one reference to my work in EPW.
lots of references to my jewelry.
a couple of assignments from library school - the only evidence that i might be a librarian.
also:
i am an indian pilot
i am a dead german shepherd.
how 'bout you?
one reference to my work in EPW.
lots of references to my jewelry.
a couple of assignments from library school - the only evidence that i might be a librarian.
also:
i am an indian pilot
i am a dead german shepherd.
how 'bout you?
oh, patron, i'm so soy - i mean sorry
Cruel trick of the world: those who require information on the Test Of English as a Foreign Language usually have the worst pronunciation of it. Thus, a patron needing TOEFL sometimes gets asked if he wants books on tofu.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
je parlez dirrrrty
once in a great while, something happens to me at work that makes everything pale by comparison. in this case, i received an invitation to a 'jazz appreciation month reception' at la maison francaise. wine, buffet and live performance, sans combien le couvert.
the event itself was great. massive tables loaded with cheeses and bread, wine poured nonestop, great music, networking with people who would be great to be in touch with when we plan the jazz history programs for next fiscal year (okay, i won't be there, but i didn't mention that...). and all the fun nervous prep of deciding what to wear, and should i brush up on some french.
i'm something of an armchair linguaphile, having studied spanish, hindi and hebrew. i now find that i sometimes spout a homebrewed esperanto combining the three. i pick up languages quickly, so i figure, why not, i can check out a 'french for tourists' cd and phrasebook and do a quick study before going to the french embassy.
cd has some handy 'my name is...' 'pleased to meet you....' 'what is your name?' kinds of phrases. the accompanying phrasebook, on the other hand....
i look in a section tabbed 'social', figuring this is where the handy stuff would be. here's a sample of what's in there:
tu es de quel signe? what star sign are you?
tu danses vraiment bien. you're a fantastic dancer.
puis-je te raccompagner? can i take you home?
est-ce que tu as un fetiche? do you have a fetish?
2 pages later in the guide:
je veux faire l'amour avec toi. i want to make love to you.
on va utiliser (un preservatif) let's use (a condom). - notice how you're given a fill-in-the-blank option!
n'arrete pas! don't stop!
baise-moi... plus vite/plus fort/plus doucement/moins fort fuck me... faster/harder/slower/softer
chouette alors! oh yeah!
vas-y mollo! easy, tiger!
je viens. i'm coming.
t'inquiete pas, je fais ca tout seul. don't worry, i'll do it myself.
c'etait... excellent/super/bizarre that was... amazing/great/weird.
on the next page, there are the phrases for 'let's move in together!' and 'will you marry me?' on the top. bottom of the page (and these are small pages, about 3x6 inches):
il y a quelqu'un d'autre? are you seeing someone else?
je ne suis qu'un objet sexuel pour toi. you're just using me for sex.
je ne veux plus te revoir. i never want to see you again.
ah, lonely planet indeed. and no, i didn't wind up speaking a single word of french.
the event itself was great. massive tables loaded with cheeses and bread, wine poured nonestop, great music, networking with people who would be great to be in touch with when we plan the jazz history programs for next fiscal year (okay, i won't be there, but i didn't mention that...). and all the fun nervous prep of deciding what to wear, and should i brush up on some french.
i'm something of an armchair linguaphile, having studied spanish, hindi and hebrew. i now find that i sometimes spout a homebrewed esperanto combining the three. i pick up languages quickly, so i figure, why not, i can check out a 'french for tourists' cd and phrasebook and do a quick study before going to the french embassy.
cd has some handy 'my name is...' 'pleased to meet you....' 'what is your name?' kinds of phrases. the accompanying phrasebook, on the other hand....
i look in a section tabbed 'social', figuring this is where the handy stuff would be. here's a sample of what's in there:
tu es de quel signe? what star sign are you?
tu danses vraiment bien. you're a fantastic dancer.
puis-je te raccompagner? can i take you home?
est-ce que tu as un fetiche? do you have a fetish?
2 pages later in the guide:
je veux faire l'amour avec toi. i want to make love to you.
on va utiliser (un preservatif) let's use (a condom). - notice how you're given a fill-in-the-blank option!
n'arrete pas! don't stop!
baise-moi... plus vite/plus fort/plus doucement/moins fort fuck me... faster/harder/slower/softer
chouette alors! oh yeah!
vas-y mollo! easy, tiger!
je viens. i'm coming.
t'inquiete pas, je fais ca tout seul. don't worry, i'll do it myself.
c'etait... excellent/super/bizarre that was... amazing/great/weird.
on the next page, there are the phrases for 'let's move in together!' and 'will you marry me?' on the top. bottom of the page (and these are small pages, about 3x6 inches):
il y a quelqu'un d'autre? are you seeing someone else?
je ne suis qu'un objet sexuel pour toi. you're just using me for sex.
je ne veux plus te revoir. i never want to see you again.
ah, lonely planet indeed. and no, i didn't wind up speaking a single word of french.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
another post about email and moving
(an email from an old college friend, sent to the small group of friends from college who i still keep in touch with. jeff and his partner live in seattle.)
Sarah, I cannot continue in good conscience with this charade any longer. We have to tell everyone.
Folks, for the past few years, Sarah & I have had a torrid, steamy love affair. I won't bore you with the details, as the film will be available on DVD in a few weeks thanks to Paris Hilton's production company, but suffice it to say that it was, as Miss Hilton describes it, "hot." I say "was" because we have both agreed that it's over.
Sarah and I eventually broke it off, knowing that it simply couldn't last. There were too many obstacles in our way. Sarah was always most concerned about the risk of hurting or even losing our loved ones and the damage that it could cause to our own friendship. I never quite got over her complete lack of a penis.
And, of course, all that other stuff: loved ones, friendship, yadda yadda....
So anyway, as you can all see, this upcoming move to Oregon is really just a cover. We tried to quit each other cold-turkey, but it just didn't work. Nor did the patch. We finally sat down together and decided that the only way to end our affair once and for all was to wean ourselves off of it in measured steps. That being the case, the only rational, logical thing to do was for Sarah and her family to completely uproot themselves and move to Portland. This way, we're both NEAR each other here in the Northwest, but not actually TOGETHER in the same state. Just so everyone is on the same page, here's a quick run-down of the remainder of the moving schedule Sarah & I worked out for her family:
- after six years in Portland, they will move further south, either to California or Arizona.
- four years later they will move to Montana or Colorado
- two years later they will move to North Carolina or Florida
Beyond that, we both agreed that it would be best to maintain as much distance as possible between ourselves to prevent a re-kindling of our forbidden passion. With that in mind, should Sing Bing and I ever decide to move from the Seattle area, I will inform Sarah no less than six weeks in advance, at which time she will move her family to the furthest possible geographic point on the globe from our intended destination. Should these measures still prove to be inadequate, Sarah and her family will immediately quit whatever their current employment is at the time and begin a rigorous course in astronaut training. Once certified, they will investigate the civilian potential for space exploration and colonization.
So there it is. I know this will probably be a shock to most of you, and for that I apologize. I just couldn't bear to keep you all in the dark any longer. As you can see, though, Sarah and I have put a lot of thought into things and come up with a solution that we, as rational adults, feel addresses the problem in a straightforward manner and offers the only viable solution.
Thank you all for your continued friendship and support as we work through this.
- Jeff
;)
(a great email to open while your husband stands behind you, affectionately rubbing your neck!)
Sarah, I cannot continue in good conscience with this charade any longer. We have to tell everyone.
Folks, for the past few years, Sarah & I have had a torrid, steamy love affair. I won't bore you with the details, as the film will be available on DVD in a few weeks thanks to Paris Hilton's production company, but suffice it to say that it was, as Miss Hilton describes it, "hot." I say "was" because we have both agreed that it's over.
Sarah and I eventually broke it off, knowing that it simply couldn't last. There were too many obstacles in our way. Sarah was always most concerned about the risk of hurting or even losing our loved ones and the damage that it could cause to our own friendship. I never quite got over her complete lack of a penis.
And, of course, all that other stuff: loved ones, friendship, yadda yadda....
So anyway, as you can all see, this upcoming move to Oregon is really just a cover. We tried to quit each other cold-turkey, but it just didn't work. Nor did the patch. We finally sat down together and decided that the only way to end our affair once and for all was to wean ourselves off of it in measured steps. That being the case, the only rational, logical thing to do was for Sarah and her family to completely uproot themselves and move to Portland. This way, we're both NEAR each other here in the Northwest, but not actually TOGETHER in the same state. Just so everyone is on the same page, here's a quick run-down of the remainder of the moving schedule Sarah & I worked out for her family:
- after six years in Portland, they will move further south, either to California or Arizona.
- four years later they will move to Montana or Colorado
- two years later they will move to North Carolina or Florida
Beyond that, we both agreed that it would be best to maintain as much distance as possible between ourselves to prevent a re-kindling of our forbidden passion. With that in mind, should Sing Bing and I ever decide to move from the Seattle area, I will inform Sarah no less than six weeks in advance, at which time she will move her family to the furthest possible geographic point on the globe from our intended destination. Should these measures still prove to be inadequate, Sarah and her family will immediately quit whatever their current employment is at the time and begin a rigorous course in astronaut training. Once certified, they will investigate the civilian potential for space exploration and colonization.
So there it is. I know this will probably be a shock to most of you, and for that I apologize. I just couldn't bear to keep you all in the dark any longer. As you can see, though, Sarah and I have put a lot of thought into things and come up with a solution that we, as rational adults, feel addresses the problem in a straightforward manner and offers the only viable solution.
Thank you all for your continued friendship and support as we work through this.
- Jeff
;)
(a great email to open while your husband stands behind you, affectionately rubbing your neck!)
Friday, February 17, 2006
email from my boss
Woe is me – to have received your actual letter of resignation. Boo hoo!
i also told one of my favorite patrons, who i've talked about in earlier posts. i didn't want him hearing about my departure through the rumor mill. his face just fell. i felt awful.
i also told one of my favorite patrons, who i've talked about in earlier posts. i didn't want him hearing about my departure through the rumor mill. his face just fell. i felt awful.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
i. don't. want. to. work. tonight.
yeah. nothin' like being in the liberry on valentines until 9 pm. and probably later thanks to some parents who won't pick up their kids on time.
really wish i could wear a 'don't fuck with me' shirt. or even 'don't mess with me'. 'don't ask me a single thing about my personal life' or 'don't even make eye contact' would work, too.
really wish i could wear a 'don't fuck with me' shirt. or even 'don't mess with me'. 'don't ask me a single thing about my personal life' or 'don't even make eye contact' would work, too.
Monday, February 13, 2006
hide and seek
things i need to pack away before potential buyers tour my house:
any political books, ie 'the bush survival bible' and 'don't think of an elephant', let alone letha scanzoni's book 'what god has brought together', a brilliant christian pro-gay marriage book
kosher cookbooks
vegetarian cookbooks
feminist magazines and books
indian cookbooks
indian clothing
indian folkart
yoga/meditation stuff
any pictures of us, an interracial couple
any pictures of my husband and his brown skin
jewish books
jewish ritual objects like kiddish cups, menorahs and dreidels
any books in other languages, ie hindi or hebrew (it ain't our way of writing, must be arabic!)
and the can of 'ronzo repellant' with reagan's picture on it that my dad made for me when i went to choir camp. ("ingredients: snake oil, essence of voodoo economics, teflon. guaranteed ineffective. spray on nearest democrat.")
and you wonder why we are happy to get out of here??
any political books, ie 'the bush survival bible' and 'don't think of an elephant', let alone letha scanzoni's book 'what god has brought together', a brilliant christian pro-gay marriage book
kosher cookbooks
vegetarian cookbooks
feminist magazines and books
indian cookbooks
indian clothing
indian folkart
yoga/meditation stuff
any pictures of us, an interracial couple
any pictures of my husband and his brown skin
jewish books
jewish ritual objects like kiddish cups, menorahs and dreidels
any books in other languages, ie hindi or hebrew (it ain't our way of writing, must be arabic!)
and the can of 'ronzo repellant' with reagan's picture on it that my dad made for me when i went to choir camp. ("ingredients: snake oil, essence of voodoo economics, teflon. guaranteed ineffective. spray on nearest democrat.")
and you wonder why we are happy to get out of here??
Monday, February 06, 2006
emo kid
"you broke my heart, mommy. you broke my heart, you crushed my heart, you smashed my heart." (i have no idea how i did this, btw, since he wasn't upset when he said it.)
withdrawal
i will not check work email on my day off. i will not check work email on my day off. i will not check work email on my day off. i will not check work email on my day off. i will not check work email on my day off. i will not check work email on my day off.
i work 20 hours a week. the email can wait until i'm being paid to read it. i feel tethered and annoyed and i've set myself up for it.
i work 20 hours a week. the email can wait until i'm being paid to read it. i feel tethered and annoyed and i've set myself up for it.
Friday, February 03, 2006
dear patron
i don't want to see the word 'love' in pink crystals on the top of your thong underwear, peering up over the back of your lowrise jeans. i'm a librarian. my eyes go to words wherever they are. i don't need to see this. ever.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
JEBUS NOOOOOO
i just got a new librarian hired. this is a process that takes months, between the several weeks it takes county HR to put the vacancy announcement up, resumes to get from them to us, interviews scheduled and completed, paperwork done, hiring approved, training scheduled.
i hired someone in september to replace a librarian who left in june. she left within a week to take a full-time job elsewhere. it took until jan 16 to get that replacement's replacement. WHO JUST GAVE NOTICE, last day of work feb 8.
which means, since i'm leaving too, i will be spending my remaining time trying to get another hiring process underway when what i would rather do is smooth out as much programming and other things in advance for MY replacement.
at least the system director said it was a bummer that i was leaving. and when i asked him who he knew in my about-to-be location, he said, "oh, the director."
i hired someone in september to replace a librarian who left in june. she left within a week to take a full-time job elsewhere. it took until jan 16 to get that replacement's replacement. WHO JUST GAVE NOTICE, last day of work feb 8.
which means, since i'm leaving too, i will be spending my remaining time trying to get another hiring process underway when what i would rather do is smooth out as much programming and other things in advance for MY replacement.
at least the system director said it was a bummer that i was leaving. and when i asked him who he knew in my about-to-be location, he said, "oh, the director."
Friday, January 27, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
wish i could stop watching
it is so, so evident that they're keeping santino on project runway so they have a personality to lure viewers in. at this point i think he could fling poo on a model and he'd be darn close but not out.
Monday, January 16, 2006
it bothers me
that the library is closed today.
i realize that the county observes MLK Day, and that's great. but as a cultural institution i wish the library would remain open and that we could host teach-ins on social justice issues.
on the other hand, i would gladly bust my butt to get a symposium together, and the only people coming into the building would be there to check their email.
i realize that the county observes MLK Day, and that's great. but as a cultural institution i wish the library would remain open and that we could host teach-ins on social justice issues.
on the other hand, i would gladly bust my butt to get a symposium together, and the only people coming into the building would be there to check their email.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)